You are my first grandchild. Born to my oldest
son and your mother. Because of problems between us your parents and I
donít get along but I have always loved you. I love your father very much
but he has some serious problems that keep us apart. He is a good man but
one that has problems making the right choices. I think he is the reason
your mother may be afraid to let me in your life.
One night your father came and told me I had
a granddaughter, named Kayla and gave me one photo. I cried that I was
not there when you were born. I wanted to be; I had bought many presents
for you in the hopes that I would be included.
When you were about three months old, at three
o'clock in the morning, your father called me. Because of his problems
your father was a danger to me so I did the hardest thing in my life and
the one I regret daily. I said no to picking my son and you up. I
am so sorry that I did not risk coming for you that night. I now wish that
I would have come and taken you and dropped Brian off at the local men's
shelter... maybe I would still be in your life had I done that.
I wanted to contact your mother but did not
know her last name? Rumor had it she had once again moved west.
About the same time you were born, so was a
baby girl at the church I attend. Each Sunday as I watch this baby grow
and grow I grieve thinking of you. I would wonder is Kayla doing that?
Are you being taken care of? Are you happy? Do you know how much you are
loved? I have prayed ten thousand prayers and cried rivers of tears for
you. I never knew you but you are a part of me and my son that I will miss
until we meet again.
Finally word came that you and your mother
were living in our town. I let everyone in the "downtown" circle know that
all I wanted was to be a grandma to you. Nothing! No word and no way for
me to locate you.
Each year on your birthday I bake a cake and
put one candle on it. I blow the candle out with the wish that not one
more year will pass with out us knowing each other.
Within a year my second granddaughter was born.
Yes, you have a half sister named Asheleigh. Due to her parents abuse
and addictions I now have full custody of Asheleigh. Asheleigh knows
about you. Asheleigh misses you and wants to meet her sister too. Asheleigh
now helps blow out your birthday "wish" candle too!
In the fall of 1999, I located your motherís
address. I went to see the landlady who told me she was a good mom to you.
I explained that I just wanted the chance to be what I am your grandmother.
She agreed to pass a letter onto your mother for me. I spilled my guts
out in that letter begging to please me allow to know you. I never got
a phone call, nothing! I wrote again in six months after praying hard....
In August 2000 I was in Oshawa in a park with
Asheleigh. By the grace of God, I saw your mother walk pass me with some
man. Behind her followed two sweet children. I watched and listened.
I felt froze to the bench I was on when she turned to the children and
talked to the boy. When your mother said his name I took a double take
and realized that before my very eyes prancing down the sidewalk was the
granddaughter I have grieved 7 long years to see. I wanted to jump up,
run and hug you! Instead I gathered up Asheleigh and followed your family
through the park. Your mother and the man went into a corner store leaving
you and your brother on the sidewalk. Asheleigh had our dog on a
leash and you asked if you could pet her. I spoke to you about the dog
as I kneel down and looked into your eyes. I asked you your name; I was
SHOCKED when you did not say Kayla. What? Kaylee! So for 7 years
I did not even have your name right. The fear and anger in me had me shaking.
You and Asheleigh even looked alike and I was scared that somehow Asheleigh
would know you! You were so sweet to look at and polite to speak with and
I did not want to leave you yet I knew I had to act fast. I went inside
the store to speak to your mother. Meanwhile the man with her left the
store and took you two down the sidewalk. I asked your mother if she knew
who I was? She did not, so I told her. I knew the minute I said my name
that she was going to continue to denied me access to you. Your mother
said she did not need the hassles from her boyfriend if she allowed us
into your life. I begged her to just take my phone number, to think on
it but she walked away. I dared not make a scene with Asheleigh was with
me and you were only a half block away. I cried all the way back home and
had to tell Asheleigh that I had something in my eyes...I did my bleeding
Since then I sent an invitation for you to
attend Asheleigh's birthday party, which went unanswered. I will continue
to pray that one day your mother will allow us to know each other. Meanwhile
I will continue to hold out an olive branch to her every six months or
so in the hopes that she has a change of heart.
Each day I place you in God's hands but you
are always in my heart.
Kaylee; please know that you are deeply loved
and missed by your grandmother and sister!
Love and kisses