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Nathan, You'll Be In My Heart Hi there, my special guy,
It has been almost nine months since we last spoke with you. I hold you in my
heart and think about you everyday. We were so blessed by God when he sent
you into our lives. He gave us all that time to spend together when your mom
sent you to live with your dad and Grandpa and me. The memories I hold give
me great joy. You are such a special boy. You have the heart of a hero and
the soul of an angel. Some of the things you said to me before you left in
November of 1998, help me to make it through the difficult days when missing
you is almost more than I can stand. I play the Tarzan music like you
suggested when I am feeling really sad and missing you. The words of those
songs have so much meaning for us. Remember when we would sing "You'll Be in My Heart"? You have always had a very special place in my heart and that is
how it will be--ALWAYS!!!!I worry about the things you are being told about me and the things that are
being planted as memories in your innocent mind. Try to hold onto the real
memories of the times we were together. I have collected many notebooks full
of pictures and events that will bring back the real memories at some point
in your life. You will find the trip to Disneyland, the trips to visit
family in Iowa, birthday parties, times with Lexi, your first day of
Pre-school, "Walk Your Kid to School" Days, Grandma Days when we would just stay at home and play the Lion King--Timone and Pumba Game--on the computer, swimming at the Chilson Center, trips to the "Top of the World", visits from Danny and Stu, hot tea and breakfast on the couch when you were sick, whispering stories to you at bedtime until you fell asleep. There are so
many wonderful memories we share. With God's help, we will have more time to make new and better memories.We miss you, Nathan--Grandpa, Lissa, Rachel, and Lexi and all your dad's
family. Remember when we would go to the mall and you would make wishes in the fountain? You would tell me that your wishes were: to be with me
everyday and to have your family around you for always. Wishes do come true.Keep dreaming and praying and be confident that God will answer our prayers
and bring you and your dad back into our lives. Never let anyone convince you
that we don't love you. Never let anyone tell you that you are not important
and that we didn't do everything we could to make things right.There are things that I would do differently, Nathan, if I had the
chance--knowing what has happened in the past. That is a luxury that none of
us have. But, I want you to know that whatever I did, I did to try to make
your world a safe and happy place for you because I love you so very much.
No child should experience the kinds of things experienced by you in your
short life.You must try to be strong. You did nothing wrong in the whole thing. None
of this is your fault. Never let anyone lay the blame on you. You were
strong. You knew, at 3 years old, that things were being done to you that
should not be done to children. You were strong enough to tell. But the
adults in the picture and the system couldn't do what needed to be done to
protect you. Be strong, Nathan. Never be afraid to tell. People who love
you will not cause you pain or hurt you in action or word.But I know that right now, when you are only 6 years old, it is very
difficult to be strong and to show the love that you have for us. That is
okay. You must do whatever you have to do to make life peaceful for you.
Hold the love that you had for us in your heart in a safe place until the
time when it is okay and safe to bring it out and show it again. We will be
here. We understand. We want you to be happy and safe.We are proud of you. We miss you very much. We love you to the moon..to the sun..and back again with Pluto in between. xxxooo
Grandma Linda and Grandpa Allen